I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
