mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
