put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
