I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
