I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
