DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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