Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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