He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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