just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
