Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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