God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Don't tell me you're on acid again
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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