Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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