she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
