Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
