Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
