you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
