just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
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He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
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That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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