I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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