he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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