I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
