My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
