david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
