Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
