Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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