Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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