quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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