I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
