when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We need a shit load of segways right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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