I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
