His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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