Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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