Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
