It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize