I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
