God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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