My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
