She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
