i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
