You just made me feel so damn special
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
