we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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