he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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