I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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