is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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