so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
