I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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