hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
