It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
