He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
