my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
