Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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