I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
