If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
