Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
