There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
