Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
