Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
