How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
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They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You don't make any sense
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