Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
